Speechless

I’ve been so overwhelmed. By the love of those around me. Love so deep that I could not even list the outpouring of expressions shown. By the loss of my son. Yes, we were having a boy. But, mostly by the hope I have. This hope has become all that I need. It has filled every part of my being.

It has been a month since I delivered our boy via surgery. My eyes well up as I even recall the day that I had to say goodbye to that precious life inside me. The doctors have no explanation after testing. It still leaves me speechless how could be almost halfway through a pregnancy, see his heartbeat on ultrasound a few days earlier, the outline of his beautiful face and now he is gone.

But, what has risen out of this loss is a new sense of purpose. I do not live for this earth. I live for heaven. To see my Savior. To sit at the feet of the one who bore all suffering so I can have eternal life. To one day hold all 5 of my children. Each one of them. I can’t wait for the day to be held in the arms of Jesus with my grandmothers, aunts, uncles and all the other loved ones, with all 5 of my children in my lap. We’ll praising God together until the end of time.

So, I while I am here, I want to love like no other to all those around me. Pray and remain in the Word of God so that I may share the peace and hope He offers. He offers everything you need. And fight hard for the work that God has so blessed me to be part of. My work as a wife and mother. Daughter, sister and friend. And my passion for supporting individuals with disabilities.

I believe God makes all things new. I believe that out of suffering there is growth and the ability to see and meet others in a way you are unable to before. I believe that this world and the people around me have a deep capacity to love because they were made in the image of the true God of love.

Not a day goes by that I have not cried. Sometimes over our son or little twin. Sometimes over what won’t be and how I thought our life on earth was meant to look. But mostly because I have been drawn to the giver of Life eternal Himself that loves me unconditionally. He has shown me that Jesus is all I need.

Thank you all for your support along this journey we are on and continue to take. We all have been loved well. I pray that you too would find this Hope because it can quench all pain and sorrow like nothing on the earth could ever do. All you need to do is call out to Him where you are. He will meet you. This loss has been another testament to that truth.

Psalm 121:1-2

“I lift my eyes up to the hills-where does my help come from? 

My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”

 

 

 

 

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